Hello Hello,
I was about to write “Hope this note finds you well” which is a phrase I use way to often in work emails. Why do we say that? Do I really care how the note finds someone, or do I just want to pretend to ease the burden of some task I’m going to request? What if they are not well when they receive my note? I’ve never once received a response of “Actually, I’m not well. I’m overwhelmed and scared and trying to juggle too many things. How about you?” But, on more than one occasion, that would be my honest response if I open an email and see that introductory line. Maybe we should all try it!
I’m still completely caught up in my own thoughts as I process a podcast I just listened to. This week on We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle, Dr. Yaba Blay really challenged a lot of the standard DEI work that’s happening all across the nation. Dr. Blay is the author of One Drop: Shifting the Lens on Race. I’m drawn to her unapologetic style of sharing her opinion, and she always leaves me with something to think about more deeply. Here’s the podcast episode:
A couple of concepts stood out to me in this discussion, but none more than the idea of accomplice vs. ally. We’re all inundated with ally training in our professional settings – what is an ally, how to be an ally, etc. But, I LOVE the way Dr. Blay rejects this language. We can say we’re ‘allies’ while still living in the comfort of our privileged world. She explains that it feels emotionally distanced from the actual change that the ally movement is purporting to accomplish. She prefers the word accomplice. While Dr. Blay acknowledges the criminal connotation with the word accomplice, it more accurately portrays the necessary type of relationship needed to work toward sustained change. She recaps the concept like this, “Think about it emotively. So Abby [she’s talking to Abby Wambach], if I call you at 2 o’clock in the morning, I’m like, “you know I need you to be my accomplice. I gotta take care of this.” What’s Abby gonna do? Abby’s gonna grease up, get in the car, and come get me knowing that she’s taking a risk. Knowing that she could get in trouble with me, but knowing that I need her and it needs to get done. If I call Abby and I say, “I need you to be my ally”, emotively, “ok well how can I support you?”…She don’t have to get in the car, she don’t have to put any skin in the game…she can just support me from a distance. So for me, again, right or wrong, you all can come with the definitions and the actualization, I don’t care, I’m talking about how it feels…”
And shouldn’t that be the only thing that matters? The feelings of those for which we’re claiming to be allies? This is a relatively minor change in language that radically changes the actions and relationships necessary to fight for racial equality. There are many more ideas in the episode that are equally thought-provoking i.e. the controversial comparison of the fact that there is no discussion on whether or not animal’s lives matter… so why all the discussion about the concept of Black Lives Matter? And worse yet, why the need to tie diversity initiatives to the bottom line?!?! (Ok, the bottom line thing is my own personal disdain, but I’m positive Dr. Blay would agree!) Please listen and prepare to grow.
#blacklivesmatter #courageousconversations #powertoprivilege
-Jessica