Hello hello,

I continue to be obsessed with the criminalization of poverty, and my obsession has slowly morphed into a general, deeper dive of class in America.

A recent book release is fueling this obsession. I am already a fan of Matthew Desmond’s work so I’ve been awaiting the release of his newest book called Poverty, by America. It just arrived at my doorstep so I haven’t read it yet, but Matthew was recently on the Some Of My Best Friends Are podcast – check out the episode here:

https://www.pushkin.fm/podcasts/some-of-my-best-friends-are/americas-poverty-is-by-design

While the whole conversation is thought-provoking and enlightening, I paused when I heard him outline the fact that we, as a society, have a general distain for poor people. We think people are poor because of some individual character flaw (e.g. they’re lazy or they aren’t trying… ahem cue gaslighting theme music). For anyone who isn’t ‘poor’, we fail to acknowledge all the advantages we’ve experienced; instead, we’re quick to think we’ve achieved our socioeconomic status in life based on our own merit (insert eye-roll emoji). There is so much to talk about on this topic that I’ll stop myself before I really get started! [Ok just one more thing, I can’t help but bring up the psychology of feeling poor vs. objectively being poor… and how comparison is the thief of joy:

https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2018/01/15/the-psychology-of-inequality ]

It just so happened that this podcast episode with Matthew came out around the time of the implosion of the Titanic-bound subversive. There was public outcry about the inequity of the resource expenditure (and media coverage) to search for the 5 people who chose to go on that elective adventure compared to the concurrent sinking of a migrant boat off the coast of Greece with 200 onboard. [Another aside here – while writing this, I knew I didn’t need to spell out the fact that migrant = poor which is gross in and of itself. But that shouldn’t be the go-to stereotype because it shows just how narrowly we define ‘poor’. I have no doubt that there were lawyers and doctors and engineers on that ship, but we don’t always value intellectual capital when thinking about migrants. On the whole, we (the Western world) make base assumptions that are short-sighted and bias.] Based on memes about the ultra wealthy who could afford to take a ride down to see the Titanic, it’s fair to say the super rich in this situation are not well-liked either. So, it seems we don’t like poor people or rich people! [“We” means the ‘moral’ middle class…]

I’m just coming to terms with the fact that the real insight here is that the shame about either station in life (poor or rich) comes from within! We don’t need to wait for strangers to add external commentary to trigger our feelings about our lives – if you’re swimming in the water that is this American culture, you are probably fielding feelings about either extreme. And not just against the ‘other side’ as in poor people judging rich people or vice versa. If you rise out of or fall from your original socioeconomic station in life, that will trigger BIG feelings of shame. (So will raising children in a different socioeconomic status than the one you were raised in!) In conclusion – we judge others, but we also we vehemently judge ourselves.

On this theme, I’ve started listening to another new podcast about class in America called Classy with Jonathan Menjivar. Jonathan comes from a working class background but now lives on the “East Coast” [He says that in a way that assumes a collective understanding about what that means… hello coastal elites!], and he does things like buy cashmere socks. He hates that he wears cashmere socks because that’s not what ‘working class’ people do. Talk about the call coming from inside the house…

In the intro to the Classy podcast – there was an excerpt that really resonated with me. The host was interviewing a lady that was talking about actions she takes before the housekeeper arrives. She hides the $6 price tag on her loaves of bread because she *knows/feels* how ridiculous it is to pay that much for bread, and she doesn’t want the housekeeper to know. Jonathan (the host) asks, “You don’t think that the housekeeper already knows that you’re well-off?” [insert awkward pause] I feel that deeply. How do I downplay my privilege while still engaging in activities that only well-off folks can afford? I assume everyone feels this way, but maybe not. (???) Per usual, I have no answers, just many, many more questions. In the words of Jonathan Menjivar, “We’re looking at the people around us and either wanting more or feeling bad about what we already have.”

Check out the Classy podcast here:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/classy-with-jonathan-menjivar/id1692818989

#powertoprivilege #courageousconversations #blacklivesmatter

Talk soon,

Jessica

PS – I’m not ruling out that we might all be in a simulation…. while all of these thoughts are swirling, I’m also bombarded with these themes in On Our Best Behavior: The Seven Deadly Sins and the Price Women Pay to be Good by Elise Loehnen. Particularly chapter 6 about Greed. Just by chance, I’m reading how Elise sums up the exact sentiment I’m trying to convey above; however, she adds a really interesting and poignant lens of gender and everything is amplified. Check it out!

Hello hello,

I learned something recently that made me pause and question everything I assumed about creativity. I’m reading a book of interviews that Prince gave throughout his career starting when he was 17 as senior at Central High School in Minneapolis, MN. This is a man that went against the grain (to put it mildly) and was way ahead of his time. AND Prince was a Jehovah’s Witness – he didn’t drink or do drugs or even curse! Why did I attribute at least part of his creative genius with the assistance of mind altering substances? Sure, it was the 70’s and 80’s. I assumed all drug use was ubiquitous among rock stars at the time… and I can understand how that drug use led to the amazing result that was Prince’s music. But, in the absence of that assistance, I have to accept/understand the true reality of Prince’s genius. It actually makes me question my own skepticism of the divine… Absent drugs, all one can conclude is that Prince was divinely gifted…

No one can deny that Prince was prolific. Which reiterates a concept I heard on a podcast recently. The more you create, the more likely something will stick/resonate. This is so obvious across disciplines – we’ve all heard that Thomas Edison and Albert Einstein and [insert old white man here] had 1000 patents rejected before the breakthrough inventions for which we all remember their names. It’s really not about genius and more about volume. The podcast example said they’d released 400 episodes before anyone cared who they were or what they were talking about. This is such a great reminder. While Malcom Gladwell’s theory of 10,000 hours for mastery is under scrutiny, the gist of the message remains: volume is the key to success.

This is annoyingly true for everything. My husband is the best at pointing out that intensity isn’t what matters – you have to focus on consistency. Show up at your workout, write the blog post (insert eye roll emoji), eat the healthy option… It’s never about intensity – it’s always about consistency… which is just a synonym for volume…

Still thinking about this,

Jessica

#courageousconverations #powertoprivilege #blacklivesmatter

PS Today, my 8 year old said he wants to be Prince for Halloween.

Mic drop.

Greatest parenting win ever!

Hello hello,

I have a real personal dilemma on my mind. Recently, I’ve been navigating the difference between what our elementary school teaches my kids and what I feel is right. In general, I’m super impressed and grateful for the curriculum especially all the social-emotional learning – for example, my kindergartner came home the other day and taught me all about his hippocampus and how it regulates memories and emotions! So amazing. But this same school has also taught my kids that a yellow traffic light means slow down… And I think that a yellow traffic light (usually) means speed up… (which is also my understanding of a yield sign, btw). It’s not a discrepancy the kids and I can easily ignore because my actions are directly in conflict with what they’ve been taught. When we’re cruising around in the Odyssey and approach a green light turning yellow, they will tell me to “Slow Down!”, and I tell them “We can make it!!” While there is definitely a judgement about my driving to be made here, I can’t help but think about it on a more philosophical level. What we are taught and what we see and what we do all shape such a unique interpretation of our experience. I’m more convinced that we all see and hear what we want to see and hear as opposed to any objective reality. At best, we can only be some percent sure of what we think or saw. Never 100.

I just finished one of the most beautiful books – A Little Devil In America by Hanif Abdurraqib. Hanif highlights performers and performances that have gone accidently overlooked or purposefully disregarded for far too long. Particularly performances by Black performers. I learned so much about prominent and should-be-prominent Black artists and the historical context around who was remembered vs. who wasn’t. Hanif’s writing is truly exceptional and lyrical and captivating. I’m so happy he was on Brene Brown’s podcast a while back, and that podcast episode brought me to the joy of reading his work. Consuming something as magnificent as Hanif’s written word always makes me wonder about all the other, equally talented people I haven’t heard of yet! #fomo

https://brenebrown.com/podcast/brene-with-hanif-abdurraqib-on-art-culture-and-black-performance/

We are all making choices by deciding which rules to abide by and which rules to break, which works of art to cherish and which works of art are unworthy, which humans to hold in high esteem and which humans to look down on. All of this is arbitrary and personal. It can only be influenced by learning, experiencing, meeting new people, and finding a new perspective. If we aren’t actively doing those things, we’ll be stuck in our one, narrow view of humanity. What a safe and boring way to live!

#powertoprivilege #blacklivesmatter #courageousconversations

Talk soon,

Jessica

Hello hello,

Having 3 little kids means that we need to set aside funds to deal with all the shit my kids break at other peoples’ houses… This is to be expected, no? If my husband and I had a profit and loss statement for our family, I’d account for a very generous line item related to incidental expenses (aka accidents). A downside to this approach is that we don’t really get worked up when it happens (duh…we plan for it!) We KNOW our kids will throw a rogue ball that will make its way to a TV screen or ride their bikes into a sideview mirror (sorry neighbors!). Personally, I have very little attachment to material things, so I find it hard to display the proper level of concern for others when things go awry. I’m curious if my approach here is too pragmatic, and it reads as callous. Is there a better/different way?!

Speaking of that family P&L statement, upon review you’d also see a growing line item for sneakers. Sometime last year, my then 7 year old starting asking for Jordan sneakers. Some of his friends at school had them, and to his great surprise (and my husband’s ;)), Santa brought him and his brothers these coveted sneakers for Christmas! Fast forward 6 months and we’re fully addicted to sneakers (by we, I mean me). All of a sudden, I have three pairs, Chris has a pair (which I bought him in order to rationalize my own three), and the boys now have multiple pairs. I love the shoes, but I also paused to wonder if it’s cultural appropriation for me to love the shoes? So I searched and found this Atlantic article:

https://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2012/08/the-racial-divide-on-sneakers/261256/

And obviously the first search item is often the most digestible. Lucky for you, I’m a real scholar and subsequently fell into a deep rabbit hole that did not disappoint. People have devoted their academic life to this topic!

https://ojs.stanford.edu/ojs/index.php/intersect/article/view/1416

And one more article…

https://www.complex.com/sneakers/2018/04/the-gentrification-of-sneakers-is-killing-the-culture

Mostly what I’m realizing is that I’m very removed from true “sneaker culture” and all that it entails – e.g I was surprised to see the article(s) recount sneaker-related violence and that folks are hoarding product in order to sell it for a profit. I have no answers, only more questions and this has me ruminating about what all of this says about my privilege…

Nevertheless, it’s a great reminder for me to always honestly inquire about my burgeoning interests…

Talk soon,

Jessica

PS Admittedly, I have a healthy obsession with Khalid, and while it’s completely unrelated to anything… I feel like everyone should be listening to this NPR Tiny Desk performance on repeat at the highest possible volume… I used to have a max volume limit in the Odyssey (30), but I breach my own rule for this performance. I regularly allow our ears to properly bleed at a +30 volume level… You’re welcome.

Hello hello,

I’m probably exaggerating, but it feels like we are in the midst of a monumental technological shift as a society. I feel manic about the possibilities that are at our fingertips. And in the same minute, I tell myself to stop being so dramatic. Every generation has probably felt the exact same way. Invention of the wheel – game changing. Invention of electricity – whoa. Industrial revolution – there won’t be any jobs for humans anymore! The internet – impossible! It’s sort of fun to think about what other generations were grappling with, and how they imagined the end of our society as they knew it. I’m equal parts convinced now is a true revolution for our species, and it’s no different than any other generation. Sort of like how every generation thinks the music of their youth was the best there every was?

Which leads me to some curious behavior I’ve observed in my oldest son (he’s 8). A while ago, I caught him using the voice-activated feature on the TV remote to answer his math problems! He would speak his math problem into the TV remote, and the TV was giving him the correct answers which he promptly wrote on his worksheet (e.g. “what is 458 – 328?”). I wasn’t even mad – I was proud of his resourcefulness! Who knew smart TVs even had that capability? [Side bar: A few weeks later, I was reviewing his homework, and I noticed he was writing down the titles of my books on his reading log… I casually asked him, “Hey buddy, what did you learn when you read Dopesick: Dealers, Doctors, and The Drug Company That Addicted America?” The kid didn’t skip a beat – he rattled off some vague language about how he enjoyed the book. I didn’t have the energy to make him change it. Never heard from the teacher so we’re chalking it up to a win!] If we’re being honest with ourselves, our kids will have jobs that we can’t even conceive of right now. They are already learning an innate way of interacting with technology that is going to be a hard-earned skill in the rest of us. My poor colleagues are receiving the brunt of my mania on this topic as I want my company to be prepared to adapt to the generative AI tools that are evolving weekly. I feel like the town crier, but I can’t stop.

I was recently at an industry conference where our regulators discussed the challenges with attempting to regulate these technological advances as they apply to healthcare. The regulators (ahem FDA) also outlined their strategic plan to prioritize health equity. Tangibly, this looks like FDA requiring diversity plans for clinical trials to ensure that clinical populations reflect the general population (remember when Ambien was approved and most of the clinical data was obtained from men so the dosing for women caused ALL kinds of problems? …) and prioritizing medical products that address underrepresented populations. I am ON FIRE for this combination – using technology in the form of predicative products that serve under-represented populations. How do we use technology to detect Type 2 diabetes WAY before it needs formal medical intervention? How about cardiac disease? There’s an amazing South Korean company using non-invasive retina scans to detect kidney and cardiac function (https://mediwhale.com/). This is the future, and it’s so exciting. It feels like there’s a viable path toward narrowing the health inequity that exists in this country today.

Now, we (I) just need to harness this energy/passion into something real.

Talk soon,

Jessica

PS Highly recommend Peter Attia’s new book Outlive. Great look at the science and art of longevity which ties into the predicative nature that our medical system has to adopt for us all to avoid disease as long as possible!

Hello hello,

I’m having a hard time deciphering a few changes in my life. I can’t tell if they are attributed to a) the changing world around me b) this particular phase of life or c) some combination of a & b. I’ll give you some examples:

• I give zero shits about any sort of fashion especially below the knee – I’ve never cared if my socks matched, but I’ve reached a whole new level. I don’t care about any sock / shoe / pant combination. I am only aiming for comfort these days, and I have no energy to care about aesthetic. I’m talking full blown Birkenstocks-with-socks realness. And, I’m almost nervous the outside world (particularly in the Bay Area!) will think it’s a ‘look’ I’m consciously going for when in fact, I’m just trying to get to the store to get some wine…
• I can’t comprehend that anyone uses a curling iron/hair straightener in 2022. Spending more than 1 minute on hair is of zero interest to me. Now, is this because I have too many kids? Is it because I’ve accepted that I look completely unhoused during all of my video-on meetings all day? Is it a special relic of Covid? Or is this a natural progression of age? I still see a lot of people that look exactly how they looked before Covid so no matter how much I want to blame the pesky pandemic, I’m inclined to think it’s just me…

The ultimate question to all of this is… does the reason matter? I’m loving this carefree attitude, and mostly, I’m scared that once my kids get older or Covid really goes away, I’m going to have to start caring again. Please don’t make me care again.

Lately, I cannot stop thinking about the criminalization of poverty. I’m in a deep discovery about what this means, how race plays a role, and how tf do we change. A couple pivotal resources that have me thinking:

The Invisible Child by Andrea Elliot. Everything we assume about being poor and homeless in America is examined in this book. It really makes us think about the realities of poverty and the role law enforcement plays. Even when there’s an opportunity to ‘get out’ of poverty, it’s a nearly impossible situation for kids to navigate.

Then there’s the work of Dorothy Roberts which should be incorporated into everyone’s general education requirements. Check out this podcast episode:

https://www.pushkin.fm/podcasts/some-of-my-best-friends-are/the-new-jane-crow

Glennon Doyle has really driven home the fact that the world we currently live in is someone’s imagination. We always say, “I can’t imagine…” “I can’t imagine a world free from racism” “I can’t imagine a world free of misogyny” “I can’t imagine a world free of classism” But those statements are ridiculous when we acknowledge that the current world/culture we live in is COMPLETELY imagined. We need to be asking, “Who’s imagination are we in, and who does this continue to serve?” There are other ways that this whole human thing could have gone, and now we have the monumental task of not only imagining another way but of driving change. We should start by listening to Dorothy Roberts…

Talk soon,

Jessica

PS – This speaks to my heart:

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/the-six-stages-of-having-too-many-books

If I’m forced to classify myself per the categories in the article , I think I’m currently the ‘Misanthrope”. After texting this article to my husband and apologizing for my physical book-buying addiction, he reassured me that of all the things one could be addicted to, he’s accepted this particular quirk of mine. When we reach the point of being shut-ins because we can’t move through the the books in this house, the joke’s going to be on him.

Hello hello,

If you haven’t heard, Anderson Cooper has a new podcast series that is focused on grief. I can’t be trusted to objectively assess the quality of this podcast because I’m already obsessed with AC (at least I can admit it!). I’ve loved him since he was on Channel 1 which we watched in high school at the beginning of each school day! #throwback [In case you’re curious, Channel 1 ended in May 2018… #rip #speakingofgrief] I’ve also loved him on CNN, his NYE show with Andy Cohen, and his segments on 60 Minutes. I fully acknowledge that this places me in a very old, very white demographic, but I have to accept this. I’ve even purchased and read his book about the history of his Vanderbilt family (highly recommend!!)

However you feel about Anderson Cooper, the TV personality, you can’t deny his personal experience with loss: his dad died when he was 10, his brother died by suicide at 23 (AC was 21), and in 2019 his very famous mother, Gloria Vanderbilt, died at 95. He’s now alone with his memories and the monumental task of scouring through all of the physical remnants from his family. All of this to say, check out his new podcast about grief:

https://www.cnn.com/audio/podcasts/all-there-is-with-anderson-cooper

This series on grief reminds me of a song from one of my favorite artists/poets – Dessa:

https://www.dessawander.co

She has a song called “Good Grief” which is just genius. When we’re exasperated, we actually exclaim, ‘good grief!!’ [minimally, this is a very Scandinavian expression in the Midwest- I grew up with this expression as part of the vernacular: e.g. “Can you believe he burnt the toast? “Good grief!!”]. What do we mean when we express this? What part of grief could be good?

Is there a difference between despair and grief? Can we find a reason or vehicle to convert our despair/grief into the ‘good’ kind. I don’t know, but that’s where I start wondering about Dessa’s lyrics:

“They say there’s good grief
But how can you tell it from the bad?
Maybe it’s only in the fact
Good grief’s the one that’s in your past

I got snow in my pockets
Went down again head first
Laced drill bits to my pointe shoes
Pirouette through the hardwood to paydirt
Night falls, day breaks, time
Has a funny kind of violence and I’m
Tryna keep in mind
It can’t leave you the way it finds you
Good grief:

I’ve heard people say it
What a phrase, what a state to be in
But I don’t know where they go to get get
That feeling
Good grief
And my knees stay clean
Not much for praying
I do my own stunts and my own saving
But there’s something amiss
Something I been missing maybe maybe…”

Please, if you have a chance, see Dessa in person. She is a level of accessible genius that we all take for granted.

Happy holiday season – talk soon

Jessica

#powertoprivilege #blacklivesmatter #courageousconversations

Hello hello,

Happy November 🙂 Happy belated Diwali! My family and I enjoyed a beautiful festival of lights in our neighborhood with sparklers and Indian sweets.

I am living for this 2 part conversation with Anand Giridharadas and Brene Brown. The first thing to acknowledge is that so much about our country is messed up AND YET, we continue to offer a uniquely positive experience to so many humans from other places (I’ll be honest, I needed to hear Anand’s experience to re-appreciate this). We all must learn to accept this cognitive dissonance – holding two opposing truths in our mind at the same time. This is tough, but so necessary to make any kind of progress. Check out the episodes here:

https://brenebrown.com/podcast/the-persuaders-part-1-of-2/

https://brenebrown.com/podcast/the-persuaders-part-2-of-2/

In episode 2, Anand emphasizes that we can all chose to sit in despair, or we can chose to think about moving beyond our discomfort and take action. I think Covid helped us see what ‘sitting in despair’ meant for a couple years – and it doesn’t feel great.

It’s election day today. I know it’s too late to insist people head to the polls. Nonetheless, it’s not just about today but about internalizing hope as a discipline. Like everything else that sucks in life – eating healthy, exercising, meditating… it’s not a one and done- it’s a practice. Every election matters because progress is made whether your candidate wins or not. Check out this podcast episode which really helps break down why this all matters:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/whats-at-stake-today-election-takeaways-with-jessica/id1564530722?i=1000585432147

I find myself starting to get overwhelmed as the holiday season is upon us. I’m giving us all permission to both enjoy and detest this pressure cooker of an environment- and most of all, we should embrace and normalize any of our inevitable feelings that are anything other than joyous… I see you. I’m in the trenches with you. Let’s rally.

Happy holiday season – talk soon

Jessica

#blacklivesmatter #courageousconversations #powertoprivilege

PS -For those from a Christian background (practicing or not), remember when all we did was show up, home from college, to a decorated house with dinner planned and presents already wrapped? THAT is why we love Christmas. Now that I have to do all that, it’s WAY less enjoyable!!! lol

Hello hello,

Our hearts are with all of those impacted by Hurricane Ian this past week. My mom lives in Fort Myers, and it’s wild to think the restaurant we visited earlier this year is literally not standing anymore. Luckily she’s a good 20+ miles inland which meant a few days without water and power and a couple of uprooted trees. But still, her broader community is feeling the devastation as recovery efforts continue.

My heart is also with our sisters and brothers in Iran (and around the world) who are protesting the murder of Mahsa Amini at the hands of the Guidance Patrol (aka morality police). Our close neighbors are Iranian, and while we are all astonished/appalled by Mahsa’s death, I can feel the real weight of the travesty through talking with them. It’s unthinkable that a bright, young woman should die because of a hijab. While some women are fighting for the right to wear a hijab, others are fighting for the choice not to wear one. It may seem contradictory, but at the end of the of the day, it’s the same fight. It’s fighting for the woman’s right to choose. Hijab or no hijab, what a woman puts on her body and why should be an individual choice.

Admittedly, I was ignorant about the history of the US-Iranian relations, and luckily, the Throughline podcast has done a great job educating us. Here’s a throwback episode:

https://www.npr.org/2020/12/07/943938119/outside-in-rules-of-engagement

If you’d like to show your support for all kinds of issues that I talk about here, I highly recommend Bird + Stone jewelry! There are pieces that support many causes. Check them out here:

https://birdandstone.com/pages/shop-by-cause2

Talk soon,

Jessica

#blacklivesmatter #courageousconversations #powertoprivilege