Hello hello,
I had the most interesting experience at a new dentist today. First of all, I haven’t been to the dentist in 2 1/2 year… :-O… I know! I planned to keep my MN dentist when we were in CA temporarily. Then when things turned more permanent, I had a third baby so everything was secondary to survival, and then Covid hit! (I know you don’t care about my excuses, but I feel the need to voice them just to make myself feel better! #codependent) So, with our recent move to San Jose, it was seriously time to find a dentist (also, I bit into a piece of Dave’s Killer Bread toast and thought I cracked a filling for a couple of days which was the real reason I magically had time to find a dentist…) I picked this particular dental practice because it’s owned by a woman and employs all female dentists (#girlpower). So, as a new patient, I need the whole kit and caboodle – medical/oral history, 18 X-rays, extensive exam and power cleaning. The first hygienist I encountered was a woman named Tara, and she started on my X-rays. For context, the physical office space is under construction, and so the windows in the newly renovated dental stalls did not have curtains. There was a compact fan pointed directly at the patient chair, and I kindly asked if she could turn it down as I was getting a little chilly. She quickly obliged and told me, “We brought these fans in because without curtains, the sun tends to shine right on the patients and that’s extra uncomfortable for some patients who are going through the hot flashes.” I thought about that explanation throughout the rest of my X-rays. I should add – this is not a practice that only serves menopausal clients. It’s a practice that is run by women who bring the knowledge and perspective of the female experience into the ordinary task of a dental appointment. I couldn’t help but think this is exactly why diversity (in all sense of word, i.e. gender, race, thought…) matters. Why representation matters. It was awesome. This is the first reason I really liked Tara.
My second reason is more selfish. During my exam, the dentist, Dr. Lin, asked if I had children… or maybe she didn’t ask, but I tend to disclose that fact as I feel it helps explain why I look so tired (*ahem, I AM tired) and why there is probably Cheeto dust somewhere on my body. When I mentioned that I had three boys and listed their ages, Tara told me she also has three boys- 25, 24 and 21. So I made a joke, “You’re saying they actually grow up and move out cause that feels REAL far from now!” and I braced myself for the typical response to these kinds of jokes which I often make about my kids. But Tara said, “Yes, they do. But it takes a LONG time! It is hard and crazy, and just wait until they’re all involved in activities!” And I looked at Tara as if she had just given me the best gift in the world because in fact, she did give me a gift. She gave me the gift of meeting me with vulnerability and honesty! If Dr. Lin’s hands weren’t elbow deep in my mouth at that exact moment, I would have hugged Tara. The TYPICAL response I hear is “Oh, you’re going to miss this stage. Just enjoy it because it goes so fast! They’ll be grown up before you know it!” [Side note: Glennon Doyle has a phenomenal podcast episode about this exact topic: We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle: PARENTING: How do we make this thrilling, terrifying roller coaster ride a little bit easier? on Apple Podcasts She beautifully articulates my exact sentiment here – better than I could ever describe myself.]
I objectively know that this overused, usually unsolicited advice about how the future me will long for the days that my kids were little is going to be true. I get it. But when you’re in the storm, is it actually helpful when someone who is on the other side of the storm tells you to make sure you don’t miss how great the storm is? NO! Because now in addition to surviving the storm, I also should feel guilty for not thoroughly enjoying every minute of the storm! So Thank you Tara for your real talk today. It’s exactly what I needed to hear. XoXo – I love you.
Be well my friends,
Jessica
#blacklivesmatter # courageousconversations #powertoprivilege