Author: Jessica Ngani

Hello Hello,

It’s been a wild week around here to say the least.  I’m personally excited to have Thanksgiving around the corner –  the time off for the holiday will allow us to put a pause on the juggling act of work and home life.    

As a current Petaluma resident, I have to share Emmanuel Acho’s “A Conversation with the Police – Uncomfortable Conversations with a Black Man – Ep 9”.  Emmanuel sat down with the Petaluma police department and had a real conversation about the state of policing today, the Black Live Matter movement, and how the department feels about “defunding the police”.  Here’s the episode: A Conversation with the Police – Emmanuel Acho

I have to acknowledge my privilege when it comes to interactions with the police in that I’ve personally never felt fearful or threatened.  I remember a real ‘wake-up’ moment for me about 5 years ago.  My husband and I were on our way somewhere (late per usual), and my husband had the audacity to drive the speed limit!  I was so irritated, I said something like, “seriously, push the pedal!” And his response was, “maybe you can risk getting pulled over, but I can’t.”  Oops… I will never forget that moment.  It was a paradigm shift to realize how people of color have to navigate the world.     

I love when Emmanuel says “proximity breeds care and distance breeds fear.”   It’s true that when someone seems so ‘foreign’, it’s really hard to start from a place of empathy in our interactions.  Aiko touches on this concept as well (see previous post).  I can’t recommend that Dare to Lead episode enough.  It. Is. Pure. Gold. 

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!

#blacklivesmatter #courageousconversations #powertoprivilege  

-Jessica

Hello Hello,

I’m stepping into this week with a renewed sense of hope and optimism. I don’t know about you, but I’m still processing all kinds of thoughts and feelings in the aftermath of the last 7 days as it pertains to the election here in the United States. I’ll just leave it at that for now 😊 

I’ve been thinking a lot about leadership lately in part because Brene Brown started a new podcast that picks up on the research in her book Dare to Lead.  I love her insight into leadership, and the humanity she brings to the topic.  Being a leader has very little to do with one’s title and everything to do with how we show up for and with each other.  As part of her research, Brene and team have developed a leadership assessment which I encourage everyone to take (it’s free and they don’t send spam email!):   Here’s a link to the Dare To Lead Leadership Assessment

On the most recent Dare to Lead podcast episode, Brene talks with Aiko Bethea, equity consultant/executive coach, about courageous leadership around diversity and inclusion in the workplace.  They discuss the difference between transformative change and transactional change.  They also discuss the importance of vulnerability in order to do the necessary introspective work as a means to better our corporate cultures.  Here’s a link to the episode:   Aiko Bethea on Dare to Lead

#courageousconversations #blacklivesmatter #diversityandinclusion

Talk soon,

Jessica  

Hello Hello,

A perfect summary of my life right now:  I just realized my wall calendar in the kitchen is still on August:

Good thing I have TWO pens to write down all of our activities… LOL  

So yeah, a bit of groundhog’s day going on here.  But still so much opportunity for self-reflection and learning!  In a quick update to the previous post, episode #2 in the Throughline  (mis)representation series has dropped and can be found here:  How We Vote 

The 10,000 foot take away is that the country has been more divided in the past than it is today.  Voter suppression and voting fraud have always existed.  We can learn so much from history (who knew?!). 

Anyway, if you’re eligible, please vote.

In other news, I’m so excited to hear about a new strategy that’s rolling out in San Francisco regarding standard policing response.  There’s currently so much buzz around “Defund the Police” that people aren’t even looking into the details of what that catch phrase really means – (our ever-shrinking attentions spans are not helpful here.  Thanks Twitter, Snapchat, Tik Tok…).  Check out this short explanation of replacing police officers with social workers/psychologist/paramedics for mental health related 911 calls:  Need to Change the Model .  It’s not new – cities like Eugene, OR have shown great success with the program already.  In my opinion, this is what ‘defund the police’ looks like in practice.  It doesn’t mean removing officers from the streets or actually cutting budgets.  It means strategically setting our system up for success based on individual’s skill sets and training.

Thinking of everyone, happy Halloween, stay safe

#blacklivesmatter #diversityandinclusion #courageousconversations

-Jessica

PS – I highly recommend an interesting Podcast series from the NYT called Rabbit Hole – it’s about how the internet (think Youtube, social media, etc) is changing and affecting our culture and It. Is. Something. Else.  !! 

Hello Hello,

Hope everyone is well.  I cannot believe we are TWO WEEKS away from election day here in the US.  Please make sure you have a plan to VOTE!!

In light of the pending election, many of my favorite podcasts are doing series related to the election process.  And as much as I might try to stay away from politics in this email, the topics are too intertwined.  We can’t work on combating racism in the present day without exploring the roots of our democracy.  Enter the Electoral College.  I knew that the Electoral College is a relic from the days of slavery, and it was established to boost the voting power of the Southern states.   However, I didn’t remember much more regarding the election process from my high school Government class (Ok, I’m not even positive I had a Government class in high school…).  Luckily, NPR’s Throughline recently put out an episode on the Electoral College and its origins: https://www.npr.org/2020/09/30/918717270/the-electoral-college

There’s so much packed into this episode.  It’s an excellent reminder that our democracy and the country’s founding documents were created by flawed humans.  I give them mad props for not going the way of a dictatorship post revolution, but that doesn’t mean they got everything right! The system needs on-going updates to stay relevant hence the Amendment process.  Second, the historians in the episode point out that the Electoral College was most likely a product of “haste and fatigue” crafted together at the end of the Constitutional Convention, and some, such as James Madison, quickly came to realize it was a mistake and made proposals to change the system.    

I gotta say, this whole topic gets me really fired up.  I can’t believe we haven’t changed a system that was founded on such moral corruption, and I’m scared to accept just how powerful a select few were in creating the system and the select few that maintain that power in elected office today. Disbelief and fear aside, we must remain hopeful that positive change is in front of us.  What’s that famous quote about the arc of the moral universe being long but bending towards justice?    

#blacklivesmatter #powertoprivilege #VOTE2020

Until next time,

Jessica

“The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.” – Martin Luther King Jr.

Happy Friday!

My husband listens to countless financial podcasts every week, and it’s sort of a running joke in our house. But man, am I glad for his obsession because of this exceptional episode of NPR’s Planet Money that he shared with me!

https://www.npr.org/2020/10/05/920342513/rethinking-black-wealth

Andre Perry, a fellow at Brookings Institution, starts the episode by discussing a report from the 1960’s that demonstrates how a well-intentioned, liberal politician cannot overcome his own perspective and bias in understanding the roots of racial inequality.  The conclusion of the report drove public policy for decades, but Perry makes it his mission to de-bunk the conclusions and lays out a better, data-driven path forward.    

One powerful takeaway is when Perry outlines a Vietnamese philosopher’s quote that beautifully explains systemic racism in a tangible way.  He says to think about a head of lettuce growing in the soil.  If the lettuce stops growing, a farmer doesn’t blame the head of lettuce.  The farmer looks into what’s happening with the soil and the amount of sun and water.  Perry says, “When we talk about black communities and a lack of growth, we blame the lettuce.”

Here’s the NYT article Perry mentions that outlines the bias in home appraisals:  https://www.nytimes.com/2020/08/25/realestate/blacks-minorities-appraisals-discrimination.html

Have a great weekend,

Jessica

Hello hello,

And just like that, it’s October… 😲!  7 months into the pandemic, 4 months since George Floyd’s murder, 2 months of unprecedented wildfires here in CA.  It’s simultaneously comforting and unnerving the way time keeps marching on no matter what’s happening around us.   

This week, there was a really interesting episode of the Code Switch podcast that focused on the use of the term People of Color (aka POC) and the emergence of the new acronym BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, People of Color).  Here’s a Link to the Episode! People have very different associations with the term POC.  Some love it because it creates an inclusive community, and others hate it because it lumps many unique groups into one broad category.  My husband and I were just talking about the use of language in the context of identifying race, and our general conclusion was that it makes no sense (duh! because race is a made up concept!!). 

For example, the use of the term “people of color” implies white people have no color. Visit Minnesota in the dead of winter and you’ll see some real pale white folks (myself included!); however, I have yet to see a colorless person. In her book Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?, Beverly Daniel Tatum, PhD, wittily suggests it would be more accurate to say “people of more color”. 🙂 🙂 POMC anyone? And why do we refer to people of color as ‘minorities’ despite the fact that non-whites are the majority group across the globe?? And now that I’ve used it, how about the term “non-whites”? Referring to someone by pointing out what they are not. Tatum again offers a great analogy in her book by asking why don’t we just refer to women as “non-men”?

I think it’s easy to underestimate the use of language in identifying someone’s race, but our language perpetuates our thoughts and beliefs which indicate our intent. In the case of race, the original intent was to control other human beings by upholding this ‘otherness’ of non-whites in order to justify historical (*ahem* and present day) atrocities. There’s no magical solution given each individual’s lived experience, associations, and preferences.  As with everything, our language will continue to evolve to meet the needs of our society.  I just hope that evolution is towards one of specificity which highlights an individual or group in a positive way!

Until next time,

Jessica

Hello hello,

Still battling wildfires here in the Bay Area. They are way to close for comfort and have destroyed many homes throughout wine country. Hoping everyone stays safe!

I heard a really beautiful teaching in a recent episode of “People I (Mostly) Admire”, a new podcast featuring Steven Levitt of Freakonomic fame. Steven was interviewing Mayim Bialik (aka Blossom, or Amy from Big Bang Theory), and she was explaining a Jewish teaching about how we spend our time on Earth. She says, “There’s not an amount of money in the world that makes you not want more. There’s not an amount of possessions in the world that makes you feel done consuming. And at the end of the day, when you are buried, your gravestone will not tell any of those things.  We live in a hyphen.  We live in the hyphen between the year we were born and the year we died…. What will you do with your hyphen?” Check out the whole episode here: https://freakonomics.com/podcast/pima-mayim-bialik/

Since hearing that podcast, I cannot stop envisioning a sea of gravestones with years and hyphens. All that a person was and did captured in a small tick mark. And for those still alive and well, we have the choice to fill that tiny tick mark with good deeds, charitable contributions, antiracist demonstrations, long embraces, belly laughs… the more I focus on what I’m doing with my hyphen, the more overwhelming it is! And, I tend to dwell on what I’m not doing! Am I cherishing each moment enough, am I helping others enough, am I saying enough, am I listening enough, am I learning enough. How do we even know what enough means?! [Cue panic attack now!]

It is in these moments when I have to wrangle in my grandiose thinking about how one is going to be remembered, and put pen to paper writing down very manageable, bite-size action items that can actually be accomplished. Things like:

• Send a note to someone you haven’t talked to in a while
• Surprise your husband with a bottle of his favorite kombucha
• Help a coworker find a job opportunity
• Forgive yourself for being short with the kids today

In my most egotistical moments, I think I need to write a book or come up with a new revolutionary theory and change the course of history to make a difference. But, I’m starting to see it’s the tiny, repetitive actions (aka habits!) that will ultimately fill our hyphens.

Lastly, check out this fascinating podcast that explores the history of the Black presence in European painting: https://artuk.org/discover/stories/art-matters-podcast-the-black-presence-in-european-painting I found Mr. Ohajuru’s manner of explaining the content a little quirky but also sort of adorable. Thanks Tia Taylor for the recommendation!

#purposetoprivilege #courageousconversations #blacklivesmatter

Talk soon,

Jessica

Greetings

As if we didn’t have enough on our plate, those of us in CA have been battling this horrible air quality!  The indoor play places aren’t open (thanks Covid), and now the kids can’t run around outside… To say we’re going a little nutty around here would be an understatement!  Case in point: I was chasing my 3 year old around the house, trying to get him to brush his teeth before daycare one morning.  I finally resorted to saying “It’s hurting my feelings that you won’t brush your teeth”.  He stopped, turned to me and said, “Mom, just take a deeeeeep breath”. 🤣 Wisdom can come from any source…

Top of mind today is the loss of Ruth Bader Ginsburg, a Supreme Court Justice.  She lost her battle with cancer at the age of 87.  She battled 5 types of cancer over her life, and regardless of one’s political leaning, she’s an inspiration – someone who has fought for what she believes until the very end (quite literally) as a champion of justice and of women’s rights. The whole system feels a little less stable with her passing.

A podcast episode from NPR’s Throughline has totally caught my attention this week.  It’s about the history of events leading to mass incarceration as we know it today, and admittedly, a lot of this content was new to me.  Check out the episode here: https://www.npr.org/2020/08/05/899441920/reframing-history-mass-incarceration

#purposetoprivilege #blacklivesmatter #sendallthewine

Talk soon,

Jessica

Hello hello,

I’m not sure about you, but this was a long week.  I feel overwhelmed by the wildfires, coronavirus, racial injustice, work, remote kindergarten, a baby … and in the same breath, I feel immensely grateful for my safety, my health, my privilege, and my family.  It’s a total rollercoaster of emotions, and if you can relate, my only advice is to practice self-compassion.  Speak to yourself the way you’d speak to your best friend (we’re so much kinder to others than we are to ourselves!)

Wilhelm Verwoerd was on The Confessional podcast last month. His grandfather was the Prime Minister of South Africa from 1958 – 1966 and held the position of Minister of Native Affairs before that. As you can imagine, Minister of Native Affairs was responsible for the implementing the laws that negatively affected the lives of black South Africans… no bueno. Wilhelm explains how the guise of Christianity was used to justify the oppressive laws enacted in the country. Nadia Bolz-Weber, a Lutheran pastor, summarizes this practice beautifully:

“When you can get God to cosign on your bullshit, you don’t have to see it as bullshit, you see it as “righteousness”. It’s the best camouflage in the world. If you can go this is not about my self interest, this is not about my pride and my ego and my own selfish evil desires, this is God’s will. If you can pull that off I mean… The slave owners in America were quoting scripture to justify their enslavement of other human beings. It’s extremely effective”.

Religion can add a lot of positivity to the world. Unfortunately, it can also be used in the worst possible ways. Wilhelm eventually sees the errs in his family’s beliefs and has dedicated his life to anti-racism work in his home country. Check out the episode here:

201 Wilhelm Verwoerd

ICYMI: The Oscars are setting inclusion criteria. Another great example of putting purpose to privilege!

https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/race/film-academy-sets-inclusion-requirements-for-oscars-will-take-full-effect-in-2024

Thanks for sharing this article Greg

#blacklivesmatter #purposetoprivilege

After the murder of George Floyd, I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt for not doing more to combat intolerance and racism. I’m blessed to work for a large organization that also took a quick and strong stance against racism encouraging all of us to get real with each other. I needed to do something (no matter how small) so I committed to sharing a weekly email with my immediate team including resources that explore racial inequality in America. Topics such as race, religion, and politics have been taboo in the workplace and understandably so. However, we (white people) can’t continue to stay silent and go along with the status quo. All of the previous posts on this page ((prior to September 2020) are excerpts from the weekly emails I sent to my team.

So why Nice White Girl?

As I continue to consume books, podcasts, and articles on racial disparities, the following self reflections have become abundantly clear:

1. I have completely settled into my privilege, never thinking twice about how I navigate the physical space around me. I’m in the majority at the grocery store, at work, at my children’s daycare, etc.
2. I have used my privilege to get what I want
3. I haven’t been a true ally

Essentially, I’ve been a ‘nice white girl’ – not rocking the boat, not making anyone uncomfortable, quick to avoid any confrontation… Not quite a full-blown Karen, but too complicit nonetheless. Being ‘nice’ is a mask we hide behind because we don’t want to lose what we have. There’s a rich history behind the need for women to be ‘nice’, to play their part in society. Women are demonized if they are assertive, rude, or persistent, and maybe it’s part of a grand design. We risk social capital if we speak up, challenge the status quo, and be true allies to marginalized groups. I can’t stop thinking about the fact that in 1920, women could not give themselves the right to vote… we relied on MEN to give us the right to vote. Black people can’t singlehandedly ensure they’re treated as equals in this society. WE need to ensure they’re treated equally. Us nice white girls.

My goal in writing this blog is to share as I learn and hopefully encourage others to reflect on their own relationship with race and privilege.